Session 1

Posted on Thu Apr 14, 2022 @ 7:35pm by Captain Larisna Koralova

Mission: Interludes - These Are Our Voyages...
Location: Starfleet Academy, San Fransico, Earth

Starfleet Academy
Stardate 2392.084

Larisna looked over the vista out the window, looking out onto the bay and the rolling hills of San Francisco. Her hands fidgeted as she did so, before spinning around and looking at the older man in Medical Blue sitting in a chair, a patient smile on his face.

“Why is it that everyone in Starfleet is so interested in making me relive that war?” Larisna demanded finally, pacing around the office.

“Commander, if we’re to clear you for command of the Hornet and advancement to Captain, we have to know your first impulse won’t be to warp off to the first suicide mission you get. Or start a war by accident just because you lapse back to that state of mind.” The psychiatric specialist said calmly.

“Talk about a Kobyashi Maru.” Larisna replied with a scowl that would’ve melted hull plating.

“Oh?” He said, leaning forward.

“See, if I tell you I’m fine and I’m past the Dominion War and I don’t have nightmares, you’ll tell Starfleet Command I’m lying and in denial. If I admit that I have nightmares, insomnia and still get snapped back to it, you’ll tell them I’m an emotional wreck and I can’t be trusted to command.” Larisna shot back.

“I think you’re looking at it a bit too starkly, Commander.” The specialist said, still with a patient smile. He was human, clean cut, black hair with spots of white, brown eyes. His uniform bore three solid pips as well, indicating him a full Commander.

“Oh really? Where do I begin? The time I was on Betazed and a Jem’Hadar missed me by a hair and instead killed Crewman Ruikeg? Or when I spent that time Setlik, pinned down by Cardassians, curled in a ball and screaming my lungs out? That’s always one you all like to pick apart. Capella was a great one - my best friend died in my arms thanks to the Dominion using anticoagulants in their weapons!” Larisna was now shouting, her pacing more frantic.

This time, there was no response.

“And let’s not forget Chin’toka where I happened to be on the right side of a forcefield but three of my classmates and friends weren’t and got blown into space.” Larisna stopped and angrily swept everything off his desk, including the nameplate - Doctor Amir Singh, Starfleet Academy Psychologist.

Again, the doctor didn’t react, didn’t jump, didn’t chastise her outburst.

“I joined Starfleet because I grew up on the usual stories. I wanted to be like Jonathan Archer or Christopher Pike…or even Jean-Luc Picard! That bit about boldly going where no one had gone before,” There were now tears in her eyes as she jammed at her chest, “I wanted that! And the Dominion took that future from us all! They burned countless worlds, killed billions! And even today, Starfleet talks more about battle tactics and combat strategies than we do about first contact and diplomacy!”

“I gave up the opportunity that others would have beat each other senseless for because all that blowhard Admiral Ramsay wanted to do was use the USS Galaxy to play wargames and wave his flag around! He wanted me to spend my time doing all that on a ship built for diplomacy and peace! And Starfleet Command BACKED HIM!”

“You’re right.” Amir replied, “It is unfair that the future you wanted was stolen from you. But I believe you’re ashamed of the fact you resent Starfleet Command more than you do the Dominion. This is a breakthrough, Commander, and I want you to keep going.”

“How is this a breakthrough?!” Larisna was still heated.

“Commander…Larisna. Your record is quite clear, and your story, precious to you, is still not unheard of. You’re of a shrinking generation. The Dominion War began nearly 20 years ago. Most officers in your position are either in Staff positions or retired. Very few Captains, statistically speaking, are veterans of the Dominion War. I believe your delay by moving to the Academy has offered you something to give to Starfleet and the new generation.” Amir said with a broader smile. “But you need to accept that it is unfair to yourself to believe harboring resentment towards Starfleet Command and Admiral Ramsay is somehow wrong. Because you can challenge those preconceptions.”

“As if Ramsay or Clancy would ever listen to me…” Larisna slumped, shaking her head as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

“Perhaps, perhaps not. But your voice deserves to be spoken. And if they don’t hear it, others will. And they will speak. And so it will be until it cannot be ignored or unheard.” Amir replied. “And what better place to start than somewhere where it is safe.”

“...I hate Ramsay so much. I wanted to punch his lights out the entire time I served on the Galaxy. His arrogance, his touting about how many Dominion and Cardassian ships he blew up. Kept bragging about my record. And all of those Marines he put on the ship.” Larisna laughed mirthlessly, “I hate the Marines as a branch. They are all a bunch of self-righteous show-offs who think we’re all impressed by the fact they can shoot straight and throw a punch. They come up with this mentality that war is a good thing!”

“Who cares?! Anyone can shoot straight with a phaser, it’s a beam of light that goes where you point it! You have to try to fail qualifications these days and it’s a trip to a holosuite if you want to learn to throw a punch.” Larisna continued.

“I must confess, I would not be particularly useful if I had to defend myself.” Amir admitted.

“But you could learn. Someone can teach you. You don’t need to put on a green uniform, wear different ranks because you’re too good for the rest of the fleet and strut around talking about how tough you are all the time.” Larisna replied.

“I feel like you have a fair bit of pent up emotions regarding our colleagues in green. And Admiral Ramsay.” Amir stood up, “I want you to first know this - you are not judged by the scars unseen. You suffered through one of the darkest chapters in recent history, if you came through untouched, I would say you were quite touched indeed.”

“So Starfleet Command is fully aware that you bear that pain and there’s no cure - only time and strength will help. And it’s okay to ask for help. But if that help is to pick apart those events and force you to relive it, it is not help and I want you to reject it.” He added.

“But then my sister, she can’t serve on a ship because of what it did to her.” Larisna started.

“But my understanding is she found her calling in the Judge Advocate Corps. So she was not weak, we all find our way. It takes time and it is never easy.” Amir said, holding up a hand to stop her. Larisna nodded.

“I want to schedule some more time with you to talk about this resentment you have. Because you need to get it out, put words to it. And then we will work on how we redirect it. You still have the chance to have the future you dreamt of. And what’s more, you have the chance to bring that future to those who were denied it without even knowing.” Amir concluded.

“Be the Starfleet I want.” Larisna said.

“Precisely.” He snapped a finger and laughed jovially, “In fact, make that your mantra.” He then began to pick up the discarded items on his desk.

“I…I’m sorry for the outburst.” Larisna said, moving to help him but he stopped her.

“I find that an outburst is healthy in a controlled environment. I stopped putting valuable things on my desk long ago. There’s something therapeutic about clearing a desk violently. Sometimes even upending it entirely. It’s almost symbolic, isn’t it? To clear away that which burdens you and then pick up and reorganize it, to place it where it needs to be or to discard what you don’t need.”

“...Doctor. Am I always going to be broken like this?” Larisna finally asked. Amir stopped and stood up, his smile dropping to seriousness.

“Commander. You are not broken. This is the result of your aspirations clashing with reality. And more to the point, it is people treating you like you are broken, when you are not. It is society treating you as if you are made of glass and not realizing that while you have suffered, you have endured great trials but that by treating you like you are fragile, you convince yourself you are and deny yourself the strength that you have.” The psychologist replied, “It is the failing of our society and our beliefs.”

“I have a Klingon colleague, we meet every other week and share notes. She tells me that the Klingons suffer this as well. But what she tells them, reminds them that they are in a battle. A battle which never ends, against a foe which is within them and whose numbers multiply. Triumph is found in endurance - each day you live is a victory. Each spark you light with your actions is no less a feat than Kahless defeating Molor. It never ends but there is no more honorable combat than against a force so dark that it can turn even the mightiest warrior’s blade on themselves. She tells me even Kahless has to remind them of this, to not pity the warrior who bears the unseen scars but to uplift them. Help their hearts find the joy that is their birthright.”

“Every day you continue on, every mind you share something with, every smile and laugh you inspire. Larisna Koralova, you have achieved more victories than you will ever know, and those are the ones your service record will never show. But you carry them in your heart and those nightmares may arise. You may feel alone in this universe, but I promise you - you are not. You are loved. You are the high point in someone’s day. You are the chance encounter that helps someone else win their battle. Darkness and despair is our enemy and joy is the birthright of all.”

Larisna wiped her eyes again, nodding.

“The light that burns away the darkness.” She said to herself. “Thank you. I’ll send over my schedule once I’m back to my office, Doctor.”

“Of course. And my door is open to you any time.” Amir smiled once more.